I was studying for a degree in finance and economics at Washington and Jefferson College when I received word that my grandfather had died. Although he was in his early eighties, his death was still unexpected because of his seemingly good health. The fact that he was a retired vice-president of Chase Manhattan Bank didn’t mean a whole lot to me. He was my grandfather. If you could draw a picture of a grandfather, he would fit it to a tee: silver hair, little round spectacles, and he smoked Chesterfield non-filter cigarettes. I can still smell him to this day.

He loved this country and he was a big proponent of business. He would remind me often that he gave J.C. Penney his very first business loan. As a result, he was a big believer in the stock market. When he died, my grandmother inherited a portfolio of stock from him that she lived off of for the rest of her life. She would watch it very closely, studying the Wall Street Journal daily.

After college, I entered the financial services industry and was blessed to be trained by some of the best wealth planners in the country. I learned that the estate tax was completely voluntary – that through effective planning the federal estate tax could be completely eliminated.

So I decided to get together with my grandmother. Now, imagine this conversation: "Grandma," I began, "here is what you need to do. Take your entire portfolio of stock and put it into a family limited partnership in exchange for limited and general partnership shares. Sell the limited shares to a defective grantor trust in exchange for a private annuity that will pay you income for the rest of your life. When you die, the balance of your estate will go to a private family foundation and there will be no federal estate tax due. You’ll be better off – and we’ll be better off. What do you think?"

Her eyes squinted and her head tilted as she looked at me askance. That was the only answer I needed.

It took a little while, but I learned a couple of big professional lessons from that encounter. Number one, I was speaking in a language my grandmother didn’t understand. Number two, even worse, I never took the time to ask her what she wanted. As a result of that, guess what she did? Absolutely nothing!

Well, time moved on. Professionally, my family watched as I grew professionally. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was fighting the "if they knew me then, when I couldn’t really know what I was doing" syndrome. Have you had to deal with that?

Well, they watched as I grew from serving just local affluent clients to national individual clients; then as a consultant to leading universities, community foundations, hospital foundations and other non profits; then as a continuing education instructor to attorneys, accountants, and other financials advisors; then appearances on radio and TV; and finally as an author of magazine articles and two books.

Somewhere in there, they must have said to themselves, "Well, maybe he does know what he is doing." So they hired me, under a power of attorney, because my grandmother had gotten to a place in life where she couldn’t make decisions for herself. Then halfway through the wealth preservation process, guess what happened? That’s right. She died.

My dad and aunt wrote a check to the State of New York for over $1 million – and they wrote a check to the IRS for over $3 million.

As of today, I have helped clients save over $200 million in income, capital gains and estate taxes. When this happened, I was probably about a third of the way there. I would tell clients that I care about their money as much as they do. However, something significant happened that day, because it was family money. It wasn’t mine. It was set to go to my dad and aunt. That money was not coming to me, but it was family money, you understand. I couldn’t help but think of all the future opportunities and possibilities that were lost as a result of that. And I couldn’t help but wonder, if my grandmother knew that over $4 million of her hard earned wealth was lost to taxes unnecessarily, she would be sick to her stomach.

I realized something for the first time. Up to that point, I thought that the IRS was the biggest villain when it comes to preserving and ultimately transferring wealth. But that day showed me that there is an even bigger villain than that: procrastination. Like gravity, it holds us to a course of action that is no good.

So if I could do it over again, what would I tell my grandmother? I’d tell her these five things.

First of all, I’d tell her, "Grandma, start today. Make a commitment to start today." It is a decision. Simple, right? Simple yet very powerful. The Chinese have a proverb concerning this. Do you know when the best time to plant a tree is? Twenty years ago. The second best time is today. Today. So, I’d tell her to start today – break free, break loose. Make a commitment to start today, number one.

Number two, I’d tell her, "Hire a specialist – a wealth preservation specialist." Going through the process of settling my grandmother’s estate, we realized that she had used a long-time attorney and friend of the family to help with her planning. In addition to the huge amount of estate tax, he made a quarter of a million dollar error, because he was a generalist.

Chief Justice Warren Burger is one of the most publicized examples of the high cost of using a generalist. He was the highest ranking legal official in the country and he did his own estate planning. After his death, the Associated Press reported that his family paid $450,000 in estate tax they didn’t have to pay. He was very bright, very capable, but he was not a specialist. There is a huge and costly difference between a generalist and a specialist. So secondly, I’d tell her to hire a wealth preservation specialist.

Thirdly, I’ll tell her, "Write down what’s important to you." If you knew her, she would have said to me, "Why do I have to write it down?" In 1957, a study followed the Harvard graduating class for 20 years. At the end of 20 years, they found that three percent of the graduates had out-accumulated the other 97 percent combined. Do you know what the three percent had that the 97 percent didn’t? Written goals. There is power in writing down what you want.

I’d also tell her that you need someone to help you get clear about what you really want from your wealth. You know, it’s like a fish in water. They don’t really know they are in water. It’s hard to gain clarity about what you want without the aid of someone else, someone to facilitate the process for you.

So start today; hire a specialist; write down what’s important to you.

Fourthly, I’d tell her is to get a written, integrated wealth plan. Some of the times that I would visit my grandmother, I would notice that she had a new medication. I would say, "Grandma, where did this come from?" She would reply, "Oh, a friend of mine recommended it;" or "A doctor told me to take this."

So I would say, "Who is figuring out what happens when you take them all together?" That is how it is with most people’s wealth planning. Nobody is figuring out what happens when you look at everything together. Every planning technique, and there are 104 different techniques including doing nothing, has side effects. So you need a written integrated plan – to see the effects of your current plan on your lifestyle, your future independence, your taxes and your heirs.

I had a successful corporate executive come up to me at the end of a private briefing I conducted. He told me that he had implemented a very cutting edge estate planning strategy. I told him I was aware of it. I asked him if he had a written simulation of his lifestyle and wealth after the estate planning technique to ensure that he would have enough money. He told me that he did not. I asked him whether he had ever made a significant decision in business without a simulation of the impact of that technique on the future. He of course told me "No!" and then I began to see the light bulb go off for him. He mused, if I never made a significant decision in business without a clear understanding of the future consequences, why would I make decisions about my personal wealth without the same scrutiny?

There was no good answer. So we prepared an audit of his current plan and a simulation that showed him the consequences of his present course. In three years, he and his wife would be out of money. I asked, "How is your relationship with your kids – because in three years, they have all your money. Great move, right?" Never ever let the tax tail wag the dog. Get a written integrated plan before you make a decision.

Fifthly, I would tell her, "Just do it. Take action. Implement the recommended plan." As good as a plan may be, if you don’t take action, nothing changes. You may know the unusual definition of insanity: doing the same thing you have always done and expecting different results.

So, I’d tell her those five things: Start today. Hire a specialist. Write down what is important to you. Get a written, integrated plan. And lastly, just do it.

Now, if you are like most people, you might be saying to yourself, "What should I do next?" Well, take my advice to my grandmother. Start today and hire a wealth preservation specialist. Hopefully, you can avoid the worst two words in our vocabulary, "If only!"

If only I could have told my grandmother those five things; we could have saved millions. If only she would have listened.